I Am…the Questions No One Asked
A reflection for World Brain Day, told through two voices
I Am the Patient
I am 58 years old, and I have been to the doctor 11 times this year. We have talked about my knees, my cholesterol, my thyroid, the mole on my shoulder. We have never once talked about my brain.
I notice things. I walk into a room and forget why. I lose the thread of what I'm saying midway through. Half joking, half not, I tell myself this is normal. Everyone my age voices the same half-joking complaint at dinner parties. But some nights I lie awake wondering where the line is. Is this just being 58, or is this the beginning of something else?
I don't ask my doctor. We're already moving through blood pressure, medications, the follow-up from my lab tests. Brain health feels like something you bring up only after these boxes are all checked.
I Am the Caregiver
I am the one who notices first. For the third time this week I stand in the kitchen watching my husband search for his keys. They were in his hand a few minutes ago.
I don't have a manual, pamphlet, or checklist for this. No one sat me down and said, "Here's what you're watching for, here's what's worth worrying about, here's what isn't." I’m Googling at midnight to piece together whether what I'm seeing is normal aging, a side effect of his medications, or something more.
I asked his doctor about it once at the end of our visit, after we talked about my husband's labs, referrals, and everything else that felt more urgent. I leave with no real answer and an appointment card for six months from now. I go home and keep watching.
The Patient Again
When I finally do say something — really say it, not just joke about it — I brace myself. The result? I do a quick memory quiz, have a few words to recall, draw a clock, and then am told I'm fine, it's normal for my age. Maybe it is, but it doesn't feel like enough. I don’t know what I should actually do, or what to watch for, or when to come back.
What I want is a conversation and for someone to ask me how I'm really doing. I want tips for what I can do today so I can spend more quality time with my loved ones. How can I better manage my sleep, hearing, and blood pressure? Are there ways to improve my memory, my thinking? I want an evidence-backed roadmap, not reassurances I don't fully believe.
The Caregiver Again
I want someone to ask me what I'm noticing. I want to know the difference between what's expected and what's worth bringing up sooner rather than later. I want some practical steps.
But mostly, I want brain health to be treated the way we treat blood pressure or cholesterol. In other words, something we check on and talk about routinely before there's a problem.
We Are the Patients and the Caregivers
This World Brain Day, we are asking for the conversation to start earlier. We want to be asked and to be heard when we say that something feels different. We are asking for brain health to be a normal subject that’s discussed routinely as part of getting older.
This composite narrative was drawn from thoughts frequently expressed by patients and caregivers in conversations on the Smart Patients website.