Living on the Razor's Edge: A Conversation on Metastatic Cancer
As part of Smart Patients Living With It series, Keeshia Jones of ABCD: After Breast Cancer Diagnosis led a conversation about what it feels like to live with metastatic cancer.
Metastatic cancer is something every cancer patient worries about. Once it arrives, the label never goes away. Even if treatment leaves no visible cancer, metastatic cancer is considered only treatable, not curable. Often it's invisible to others.
For a week in August, members of Smart Patients talked about what that feels like day to day. Keeshia, our guest discussion leader, began by sharing that in December 2022 she had been diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer, nearly four years after her initial breast cancer diagnosis. She ended her introduction by inviting others to identify one word or image that captures what "living with it" feels like.
The first response was “suspense" – how it felt like waiting for the other shoe to drop. Keeshia wrote “teeter-totter” for managing the balancing act between education and emotion. Another member described it as “living on the razor's edge” because every scan could push life off the edge to harder or better. One member said that managing everything her disease demanded – appointments, insurance, medications – was like a “second job.” She described cancer as a job with no orientation program and no way to opt out.
Over the week, a recurring theme was how internal all this is. Members shared they’ve often been told "You don't look sick!" and traded their rejoinders. One member's go-to response has become, “Most of me is on the inside where you can't see it.” Another simply responds, "What does cancer look like?"
Members also talked about what helps them carry the weight of a metastatic cancer diagnosis. Most often, they turned to small, in-the-moment things like music, dancing to a commercial jingle, mint chocolate chip ice cream, guided imagery, time in a garden. A few shared bigger ongoing practices like giving themselves grace and space for hard feelings, staying engaged with their care team while still refusing to let cancer become their identity, and leaning on support groups and each other.
They found common ground in describing what real support looks like to them: consistency. They agreed that what they craved from family and friends are simple things like a text that says "thinking of you," sitting with them when things get uncomfortable, and being willing to listen without trying to fix things.
Keeshia closed the week by asking everyone what color their life with metastatic cancer would be today. The answers ranged from a muted, hopeful green to a yellow like the sun that sets each day and rises again. No single color can capture the full conversation, but together Smart Patients and Keeshia painted a canvas showing that honesty and humor makes it a little easier to carry this diagnosis together.
Thank you Keeshia, and ABCD: After Breast Cancer Diagnosis, for generously hosting this conversation, for sharing your own experience so openly and for all the work you do to support women with a breast cancer diagnosis. If you’re navigating metastatic breast cancer and seeking mentorship in addition to a community, join the ABCD community and learn more about their mentorship: ABCD: After Breast Cancer Diagnosis - Smart Patients